Retired NBA star Dennis Jenkins announced today that he has signed a contract with Long Sleep to have his body frozen before death, to be revived only when medical science has discovered a cure to the aging process.
'Lots of guys get frozen for cancer and stuff, ' explains the always-entertaining Jenkins, 'I just want to return once they can give me back my eternal youth.' [sic] Perhaps Jenkins is also hoping medical science can cure his free-throw shooting - 47% and falling during his last year in the league.
A reader tells us that Jenkins may not be aware that part of the Long Sleep process is to remove the head, keeping only the brain to be revived. This would be a problem for Jenkins since he would be left with his least-valuable asset.
Posted: 8/10/2024 @11:39 amAfter a long holdout, ESPN is reporting that Houston Texans running back JT Olson has come to terms with the team, signing a three-year deal for $12 million. 'I'm really happy with the contract,' claims JT, 'and I'm looking forward to holding out again next year for an even bigger contract after I win the rushing title!'
My advice to the Texans: Check JT's pen to make sure it wasn't filled with disappearing ink!
Posted: 8/9/2024 @ 10:31 pm